What’s the point of blogging if you can’t complain every once in a while? I love celebrating great films, but bashing terrible ones can be just as fun. Before I start, there are a handful of films of 2015 with reputations for being total disasters. Fifty Shades of Grey, Jupiter Ascending, and Mortdecai are among them. Fortunately I haven’t seen them. But I do believe in not expressing an opinion about a film you haven’t seen. So, there’ll be a lot of obvious choices that won’t appear on my list.
Since I tend to avoid a lot bad films, I’m going to do something a little different in this article. I didn’t want to write about ten films I didn’t like because I’d inevitably have to talk about some that weren’t actually that bad. Instead, here are my worst film categories:
- Most Disappointing
- Most Over-praised
- Worst film that I still enjoyed
After these and an honourable mention, I’ll give you my top five worst films of the year.
Most Disappointing: Spectre
Runner up: The Program
I don’t think Spectre is a terrible film, but it was a certainly a huge disappointment. After spending three films (two excellent, one mediocre) convincing us that we can take Bond seriously, Spectre decided to resort to formulaic storytelling and unoriginal set pieces. What I initially appreciated as homage I now brand as gutless.
I’m sick of everyone justifying its flaws as: “Oh well, it’s just a Bond film.” I hate that. It suggests that all Bond films share the same issues. Casino Royale and Skyfall are not only great Bond films, they’re also great films. Why is it that when they do something right, we don’t brand them as just Bond films?
And the old saying goes: A Bond film is only as good as the villain. Christoph Waltz was born to be a Bond villain. But instead of exploring something new, we wander aimlessly through the same territory, with the villain getting only one decent scene in the whole film. And even in that, his torture methods have zero impact on Bond. His motive feels forced, the emotional payoff unearned, and the conclusion just, well, boring.
It isn’t even a good action film. It boasts one of the best opening scenes of the year, but after that we’re back to ski slopes and tedious car chases through the suspiciously empty streets of Rome. Dry and overdone compared to the amazing set pieces of Rogue Nation, 2015’s superior spy film.
Most over-praised: The Assassin
Runner up: Inside Out
No matter what subject matter a film chooses to explore, no matter the visual style or tone, and no matter what story a film tells, I firmly believe that a film should never be boring. I swear I could feel my skin cells dying over the course of The Assassin’s modest 105-minute runtime. And the most infuriating thing is that this was regarded as one of the best foreign language films of the year. When I watched it, it just stank of one of those films that critics are too nervous to rate negatively.
The Assassin is set in 8th Century China and follows an assassin who fails to kill one of her marks. Her punishment? An even harder target: her cousin and governor of a separatist province. That’s the premise, and I’m not sure anything else actually happens.
There are few films I find utterly impenetrable, but this was one of them. It might have made some thematic relevance to someone with a strong understanding of the historical context, but to us mere mortals the film boiled down to admiring the incredible 10-second bursts of action – and they are incredible – and appreciating the cinematography.
Sure, it looks pretty. That’s all anyone seems to talk about. I actually found it all a bit flat-looking. But even if it does look great, there’s more to filmmaking than watching a slideshow of beautiful shots. Someone may finish an impressive painting, but it’s still tedious to sit and watch it dry.
The worst film I still enjoyed: Tomorrowland
Runner up: Chappie
You wouldn’t be wrong if you looked at these choices and reasoned that I have a soft spot for sci-fi. Tomorrowland is far from a great film. The plot is a mess, the climax feels tacked-on, and the film bats you over the head with its message until your ears bleed with guilt about your inaction towards climate change. I accept that it’s not a great film. I still liked it though!
Why? Because at least it tried something new. For the most part I actually enjoyed the mystery and how it unfolded. It dragged and became a bit ridiculous at times but this is a film about science. Tomorrowland revelled in this notion – this idea of wonder and awe at what’s all around us and waiting to be explored. Few films these days actually respect matters that would fill people with awe.
I also think George Clooney gives an underrated performance in this film. He isn’t cool or charming, he’s a grumpy old man who’s kind of in love with a little girl. Seriously! It’s creepy and it took balls! And the lead is a female whose gender is never relevant to the story – always important, though Star Wars has now sucked up most of the glory for its new lead, Rey.
Most decent sci-fi films these days are high-concept indies that don’t receive wide release. It was nice to see a blockbuster have a shot at something that felt a little more fresh.
And now just one honourable mention before I start my list:
Sherlock: The Abominable Bride
Okay, I know this isn’t a film (even though it was released in certain cinemas worldwide and is ninety minutes long) and that’s why it isn’t in my actual list. Bride abandoned everything we loved about Sherlock in favour of a one-off special set in Victorian London. Except it wasn’t really set there. Instead, they made it relevant to the continuity of the main story. Except nothing actually happened so, yeah, why do this again?
There were no clever twists or surprises, no brilliant deductions, and no great character moments. Instead, we got a patronising rhetoric aiming to sell us on why feminism is a good idea and why a bunch of women were perfectly okay to murder a load of people in their plight to secure voting rights. Give yourself a pat on the back, Moffat. See my full review of this travesty here.
Okay, here we go. And before I begin, please don’t hate me for the first entry on this list…
#5 – The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2
You know, I thought very hard about this but I was forced to conclude that of all the films I saw last year, there were only four that I thought were worse than this one. Initially it was a contender for my most disappointing film category but then I realised that it just plain sucked.
Yes, part of the issue was that the final book was split into two films. In Harry Potter we got one frustrating, boring film about an Easter egg hunt, camping, and the dangers of perfume. But at least the second one was exciting and a satisfying, climactic concluding chapter. And that’s the key word here: Exciting.
I get that The Hunger Games is dark. Never did I want the films to sacrifice that tone. However, the first two films managed to explore those dark, deep themes, and all the while they were exciting. These last two films weren’t.
When I got home from Mockingjay Part 2 I was actually severely saddened by how poorly this franchise turned out. An excellent finale would have made it worth watching, marathonable even. But now, we just have two films that don’t go anywhere.
Just think about what actually happens. The plot is literally for our main characters to stay a couple of miles behind the action, so regardless of what Frank Underwood’s chief of staff tells us, all the excitement dissolves immediately. The exposition spells out how the love triangle will pan out. A few people we don’t care about die. And the one interesting and genuinely dark element left over from Mockingjay Part One – the brainwashing of Peeta – is resolved in the most anticlimactic way possible: He gradually heals over time.
Then we get the ending that might have surprised only the toddlers, and then, and then, the franchise thinks itself worthy of a Return of the King level ending that goes on, and on, and on, until finally finishing with the second-cheesiest line I heard all damned year. (Stay tuned for the cheesiest!)
What on Panem went so wrong?
#4 – The Man From UNCLE
I’m a big fan of Guy Ritchie. I loved his early films, and I adore the bombed and critically panned Revolver. I even take great enjoyment in his later films, RocknRolla and Sherlock Holmes. But UNCLE was a total failure.
I look back on it and still don’t really know what it’s about. Something about an American and a Russian having to work together during the cold war to prevent nuclear disaster? Original. Hope it didn’t have a convoluted plot.
This film is a classic example of style over substance. Some of the action scenes are wild, kinetic, and fluid. It’s a nice looking film but it’s such a nothing story. Whatever happened to fun, intertwining plot threads and memorable characters?
Worst of all is how unfunny this film was. I’m a big fan of deadpan humour, and UNCLE certainly gave it a good go. You’d think British writers would know how it was supposed to work, but nope, it was innuendo for two hours. But this isn’t the seventies – innuendo can no longer be relied on for good comedy.
Squandering a good cast to boot, it all culminated in one of the most forgettable films of the year. Where’s that RocknRolla sequel at?
#3 – Knock Knock
There’s not much to say about this one. Knock Knock tells the story of a man whose home is invaded by two girls who seduce him then threaten to expose his adultery. What could have been an interesting exploration of desire, or if it had more courage, a study of male rape, was actually just another home invasion snoozefest.
A good horror film scares, terrifies even, or at the very least disturbs. Knock Knock at its best induces nothing more than a little discomfort. And for the most part, it bores. The moments that made me cringe hardest were more to do with Keanu Reeves’s awful performance.
I don’t hate Keanu. He’s a good action actor. Great in The Matrix, and more recently in 2014’s John Wick. I’d actually love to see him as an action villain, perhaps in the Mission Impossible series, since he’s established himself as a decent stunt actor. But this role simply wasn’t right for him. From the moment the introductory scene shows him being a “great dad” with his kids, I knew we were in trouble.
#2 – The Face of an Angel
This film continues to baffle me. Let’s see if you can follow this:
You may know the true story of Meredith Kercher, a British student who was murdered during a holiday in Rome, and her friend Amanda Knox who was accused of the crime. In The Face of an Angel, Daniel Brühl plays a film director seeking to make a film about a fictionalised version of the case. This version took place in Siena. So we have a film about a filmmaker wanting to tell a story about a fictionalised version of a true story. Got it?
It gets worse. Brühl’s character battles film executives who want to see this dramatic retelling. What he wants, however, is to fill his film with literary allusions to Dante’s Inferno, for no reason other than how it’s literally the book he happens to be reading at the time. The executives tell him it’s a bad idea. If only those executives were real, as The Face of an Angel eventually fills itself with allusions to Dante’s Inferno.
Now I like a bit of self-referential narrative. But when your characters are slamming the protagonist for having stupid ideas and being too far up his on arse, you need to be very careful about presenting those stupid ideas to the audience. The audience should support the protagonist. Instead, I found myself agreeing with his enemies. And when the film gets too far up its own arse it enters a very dark place indeed.
Shoddily rendered CGI dream sequences assault the screen, supporting characters appear and disappear as the plot demands them, and all the conflict and mystery vanishes. All of this is summed up in one of my favourite quotes of the year:
“You were commissioned to make a true crime thriller. Are you really saying you’re trying to write a medieval morality tale?
That’s a quote from the film, don’t forget. And if at any point while you were reading this you thought, “That sounds clever!” you’d be forgivably mistaken. If the film had actually been smart about its writing, it may have worked to create something artistic and interesting. Instead, we got a laughably poor story that directly explained to us exactly why it was terrible.
#1 – Fantastic Four
Yeah, yeah, I know, I’ve already talked about why this film is awful here. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t take my #1 slot though. I won’t take too much of your time so let’s just get right to it:
Fantastic Four was a disaster. It’s such a simple story that it’s frustrating how awful it turned out. Unlikely heroes get superpowers and have to band together to conquer a baddy. That’s it. That’s it. And what did we get?
An overly indulgent back-story showing us how Reed Richards was a genius even when he was a child. An idiot who knows how to tune cars being allowed to work on a teleportation machine. A bigger idiot who goes along for the ride just because he knows Richards. The only female hero being reduced to the girl who designs the clothes (seriously). Half the fucking film before they get their powers. A jump forwards in time that cuts out the most interesting character development in favour of nothing. A villain who appears ten minutes before the end with inconsistent powers and zero motivation behind his actions. One of the worst CGI-reliant battle scenes in film history. And finally, the worst closing line of the year.
It was so bad that I don’t even know if I want Fox to sell the rights back to Marvel. I’d rather just have them bury this franchise altogether. I don’t care anymore.
So what was your worst film of the year? Let me know and don’t forget to follow me @MagoosReviews for updates!
Want to know my best films of 2015? Best Films of 2015
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